MONOLOGUES
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UGLY
Excuse me. I wonder if you could help. You see I’m lost. I can’t fly yet so I got lost on foot. I’m trying to get back to my mother, on the lake. I think it must be in that direction. I saw some ducks flying over a few minutes ago.
IDA
Drake! Drake! It’s no good paddling away, I’ve seen you. And it doesn’t do for a duck to look sheepish, it confuses the other animals. Why don’t you take a turn on the nest? And wipe your webs! I just did the floor this morning. And what about that extension you promised to build on the nest? It’s going to be very cramped when the little ones arrive.
DRAKE
How’s it going, Ida? You still sitting? I dunno, it’s alright for some. Oh Ida, I”d love to have a crack at sitting on the eggs for a bit, buy you look so comfortable up there it seems a shame to disturb you. Anyway, must fly. I promised the Rooster that I’d help him count his chickens.
THE DUCKLINGS
Hey guys, there’s going to be another member of the gang. Look at the shell on that! Egg-cellent! How come he got such a big egg? We all got cramped into a regular shell but that one got a queen-sized Ostrich job.
MAUREEN
Morning, Ida. How is the mother-to-be? How much longer do you have to go? Oh well, the best things come to those who wait. Just think of the rewards – all those lovely little ducklings. Waking you up at all hours. Attracting unwanted admirers… like the Cat. Why do we put ourselves through It?
THE CAT
Hello, Ducky! I’m your friend. I think you look delicious. Poultry can be so malicious. Look at them guzzling all that French bread. Mmm. A l’orange. Well that settles it then. Lunch is in…on me. Now just follow me. We won’t be gone for long. What harm can it do? And you’re hungry aren’t you? Well that makes two of us.
GREYLAG
Now where have they got to? Shabby flock. I do wish they would keep up. No discipline, that’s the trouble with the goslings of today. Keep walking, dear. Eyes front. U.F.O. at four o’clock. A bird who gets off his flight path doesn’t deserve his wings, that’s what I always say isn’t it dear?
DOT
He’s only a youngster. Maybe we should direct him. Give him his marching orders. Where were you trying to get to? There’s a shoot on the marsh, dear. It’s very dangerous. A shoot is a people sport. One group of men move through the marsh scaring ducks into the air, while a second group, with guns, shoot them back out of the air again.
PENNY
Help me! Please, help me! I’m caught. Please, do you think you can untangle me? Ooh, mind you don’t hurt yourself on that hook. No point in us both getting damaged. Typical me, my first migration and what happens…? Oh thank you. I thought I was going to be left behind and this is no place to spend the Winter alone.
JAY BIRD
,,,Six months on and still no sign of the Duckling, who, as you will remember from the photograph released at the time, has what can best be described as a rather unforgettable appearance. Now, our experts believe that he may already have undergone certain changes and they have put together a composite of what they believe he might look like today. Some viewers may find this image disturbing.
ENSEMBLE
Good afternoon Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Dot. I am your senior flight attendant and on behalf of captain Greylag. I would like to welcome you to this afternoon’s flight from Boggy Marshland to some far flung farm. He will be cruising at an altitude of several feet and flying in a rather attractive V-formation. In the unlikely event of an emergency landing, we ask that you observe the safety procedures that we’ve been through so many, many times before. We hope you have a pleasant journey, and thank you for choosing Goose Air…”the Fluffy skies.”
printable (pdf)
UGLY
Excuse me. I wonder if you could help. You see I’m lost. I can’t fly yet so I got lost on foot. I’m trying to get back to my mother, on the lake. I think it must be in that direction. I saw some ducks flying over a few minutes ago.
IDA
Drake! Drake! It’s no good paddling away, I’ve seen you. And it doesn’t do for a duck to look sheepish, it confuses the other animals. Why don’t you take a turn on the nest? And wipe your webs! I just did the floor this morning. And what about that extension you promised to build on the nest? It’s going to be very cramped when the little ones arrive.
DRAKE
How’s it going, Ida? You still sitting? I dunno, it’s alright for some. Oh Ida, I”d love to have a crack at sitting on the eggs for a bit, buy you look so comfortable up there it seems a shame to disturb you. Anyway, must fly. I promised the Rooster that I’d help him count his chickens.
THE DUCKLINGS
Hey guys, there’s going to be another member of the gang. Look at the shell on that! Egg-cellent! How come he got such a big egg? We all got cramped into a regular shell but that one got a queen-sized Ostrich job.
MAUREEN
Morning, Ida. How is the mother-to-be? How much longer do you have to go? Oh well, the best things come to those who wait. Just think of the rewards – all those lovely little ducklings. Waking you up at all hours. Attracting unwanted admirers… like the Cat. Why do we put ourselves through It?
THE CAT
Hello, Ducky! I’m your friend. I think you look delicious. Poultry can be so malicious. Look at them guzzling all that French bread. Mmm. A l’orange. Well that settles it then. Lunch is in…on me. Now just follow me. We won’t be gone for long. What harm can it do? And you’re hungry aren’t you? Well that makes two of us.
GREYLAG
Now where have they got to? Shabby flock. I do wish they would keep up. No discipline, that’s the trouble with the goslings of today. Keep walking, dear. Eyes front. U.F.O. at four o’clock. A bird who gets off his flight path doesn’t deserve his wings, that’s what I always say isn’t it dear?
DOT
He’s only a youngster. Maybe we should direct him. Give him his marching orders. Where were you trying to get to? There’s a shoot on the marsh, dear. It’s very dangerous. A shoot is a people sport. One group of men move through the marsh scaring ducks into the air, while a second group, with guns, shoot them back out of the air again.
PENNY
Help me! Please, help me! I’m caught. Please, do you think you can untangle me? Ooh, mind you don’t hurt yourself on that hook. No point in us both getting damaged. Typical me, my first migration and what happens…? Oh thank you. I thought I was going to be left behind and this is no place to spend the Winter alone.
JAY BIRD
,,,Six months on and still no sign of the Duckling, who, as you will remember from the photograph released at the time, has what can best be described as a rather unforgettable appearance. Now, our experts believe that he may already have undergone certain changes and they have put together a composite of what they believe he might look like today. Some viewers may find this image disturbing.
ENSEMBLE
Good afternoon Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Dot. I am your senior flight attendant and on behalf of captain Greylag. I would like to welcome you to this afternoon’s flight from Boggy Marshland to some far flung farm. He will be cruising at an altitude of several feet and flying in a rather attractive V-formation. In the unlikely event of an emergency landing, we ask that you observe the safety procedures that we’ve been through so many, many times before. We hope you have a pleasant journey, and thank you for choosing Goose Air…”the Fluffy skies.”
